im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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