I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
