woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
