Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
