I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
