That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
