tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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