i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we're making bets on your personal life
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
