i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't deserve a penis
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
