We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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