It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
