How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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