remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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