My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just want nice things and good sex
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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