I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
