Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
