how hairy? two words: wookie tits
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
