i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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