Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
