hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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