I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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