I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
