u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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