return my video game
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
