Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
