ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
