i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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