She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
