If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
