Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
