my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
