I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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