She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
