Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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