WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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