i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
