3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize