At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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