You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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