The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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