i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize