can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
