porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize