The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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