You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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