I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
