Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
