the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
