I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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