oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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