I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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