I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
