Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
