Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
