dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You can't motorboat a personality
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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