You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
