I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
