they need to just BURY HIM!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
