dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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