The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
