Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize