hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
