And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I have demons in me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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