What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize