Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
